Post by Mr. McCheese on Aug 9, 2012 20:44:23 GMT
Posting this for Leo since he didn't get it over in the area and it's a lot easier to keep up with if it's indeed here.
----------------
You missed us.
..Oh shut up, I mean it, you missed us.
...Who cares if you didn't even know us? You missed us. Admit it!
After two months of troublesome activity where nobody cared about JOB and an enormous hiatus of two years where nobody cared about JOB, here's the return of JOB! (And nobody cares anyway)
---
Venue: The Jobbapalooza Coliseum, built out of cheap supplies and tons of garbage, next to a Staten Island landfill. Fit for 2.000 people, and guaranteed to fall apart after (or even during) the event.
Location: Staten Island, NY
Date: April 14th 2012
Featuring:
-Funeral ceremony of "Most Valuable Announcer" Jimmy Hayes
-Special music performance by Nicki Minaj!
-Nicki Minaj sings the national anthem!
-Nicki Minaj sings the Cornholio Anthem!
-Hulk "The Hamster" Fatass proposes to Nicki Minaj (shhh!)
-Brand new announcing team!
-A dozen meaningless themes from completely different genres for the same song!
-And the traditional crackline of mindfuck you've grown to love!
Stipulations:
-American Heartache Match - Two briefcases will hang high above the competitors' heads. One of them contains the Most Fucking Important Championship Ever, the other contains a tasty ass pizza. The match follows the standard rules of a ladder match, but the competitors may only choose one of the briefcases. If they pick the one with the title, they win it. However, if they don't, the title is handed to their competitor, rendering all their efforts useless. Well, they knew what they were getting into when they signed that JOB contract.
-Hell In A Taco Bell Match - The competitors are locked inside a Taco Bell crowded with people. JOB will bribe the police officers while the wrestlers raise hell. The winner(s) may get some free tacos from the kitchen counter.
-Last Thing Standing Match - Same as any Last Man Standing Match.
-"AW NAW YOU DIDN'T" Match - A special variation of an "I Quit" Match, where the wrestler must force his opponent to reveal his darkest secret, whether it's a crush on Nicki Minaj or just that he ate the president's burrito. Either way, be VERY afraid.
-Sex For Six Match - Standard elimination match with six competitors.
-Open Legs/Rumble Through The Jungle Match - The first wrestler to score a fall is crowned Slut Champion. However, any wrestlers that pin the current champion get the right to determine the Slut Champion (they can claim the title for themselves, offer it to that special one, or just screw over an opponent). Any other members of the JOB roster are welcome to join the fun, and the only way to remove people from the match is to toss them out of the ring in any way. The last standing man in the match will have a 30-second immunity to escape with the title, and then Slut Title rules get rammed up his candy ass.
-Retarded in Reverse Match - The king of reverse stipulations. The opponents start naked inside an ambulance on a parking lot. Their goal is to get dressed with a bra and panties, exit the ambulance, sprint into the ring, and climb over the steel cage into the inside. Only the two first wrestlers to enter the ring may proceed, where they will compete under traditional jobber rules and get themselves pinned or submitting to win the bout.
Obviously there are no deadlines or roleplaying limits. We're not even counting on you to roleplay. But it does give you an advantage.
Bring on the JOBBAPALOOZA!
----------------
You missed us.
..Oh shut up, I mean it, you missed us.
...Who cares if you didn't even know us? You missed us. Admit it!
After two months of troublesome activity where nobody cared about JOB and an enormous hiatus of two years where nobody cared about JOB, here's the return of JOB! (And nobody cares anyway)
---
JOB Wrestling Jobbapalooza I
Tagline: "If you can't be the best at something, be the worst!" -- Hulk Fatass
Tagline: "If you can't be the best at something, be the worst!" -- Hulk Fatass
Venue: The Jobbapalooza Coliseum, built out of cheap supplies and tons of garbage, next to a Staten Island landfill. Fit for 2.000 people, and guaranteed to fall apart after (or even during) the event.
Location: Staten Island, NY
Date: April 14th 2012
Match 7 - MAIN EVENT
The Most Fucking Important Championship Ever - American Heartache Match
Juán Carlos Batman (c) vs Mr. McCheese
Match 6
Hell in a Taco Bell Handicap Match
The Ham N' Eggers (The Mega Meathead/The Eggman) vs Hulk "The Hamster" Fatass
Match 5
Sex For Six Elimination Match for the Inhumanely Awesome Championship
The Machinegun (c) vs A Rock vs Cold Stone vs The Flame Thrower vs Lady Gaga vs a week-old hotdog found behind the president's couch (billed as a flaming canine avenger, lusting for destruction and glory)
Match 4
LastMan Woman Human Thing Standing Match for the Chuck Norris Championship
Mama vs The Great Cornholio
Match 3
Retarded In Reverse Match for the Jobber's Championship
Kyle Sync Mask I (c) vs Dr. Jobaroonie vs Bonznut vs Cable Guy Jerry (with the captivating slogan of "No more Static on your TV!" in his van, hint hint)
Match 2
"AW NAW YOU DIDN'T" Match for The Championship That's Not A Belt
The Dicktator vs "The Ultimate Kyle Sync Fan" Richie Nash
Match 1
Open Legs Rumble Through The Jungle Match for the Slut Championship
Dr. Shot vs Barber John vs Barber Chris vs Barber Shawn vs Barber Bob vs "CPR Master" Matt Griffin vs Alyssa Crystal vs Lance "I Cut You Up Good" Hawk vs Mike Hunt vs Mike Hawk vs Ben Dover vs Master Bate vs Mike Litoris vs Shawn "I Screw Faces" Reid, Adam "I'm Actually A Normal Referee" Davidson, Chris "I Screw Heels" West vs more!
The Most Fucking Important Championship Ever - American Heartache Match
Juán Carlos Batman (c) vs Mr. McCheese
Match 6
Hell in a Taco Bell Handicap Match
The Ham N' Eggers (The Mega Meathead/The Eggman) vs Hulk "The Hamster" Fatass
Match 5
Sex For Six Elimination Match for the Inhumanely Awesome Championship
The Machinegun (c) vs A Rock vs Cold Stone vs The Flame Thrower vs Lady Gaga vs a week-old hotdog found behind the president's couch (billed as a flaming canine avenger, lusting for destruction and glory)
Match 4
Last
Mama vs The Great Cornholio
Match 3
Retarded In Reverse Match for the Jobber's Championship
Kyle Sync Mask I (c) vs Dr. Jobaroonie vs Bonznut vs Cable Guy Jerry (with the captivating slogan of "No more Static on your TV!" in his van, hint hint)
Match 2
"AW NAW YOU DIDN'T" Match for The Championship That's Not A Belt
The Dicktator vs "The Ultimate Kyle Sync Fan" Richie Nash
Match 1
Open Legs Rumble Through The Jungle Match for the Slut Championship
Dr. Shot vs Barber John vs Barber Chris vs Barber Shawn vs Barber Bob vs "CPR Master" Matt Griffin vs Alyssa Crystal vs Lance "I Cut You Up Good" Hawk vs Mike Hunt vs Mike Hawk vs Ben Dover vs Master Bate vs Mike Litoris vs Shawn "I Screw Faces" Reid, Adam "I'm Actually A Normal Referee" Davidson, Chris "I Screw Heels" West vs more!
Featuring:
-Funeral ceremony of "Most Valuable Announcer" Jimmy Hayes
-Special music performance by Nicki Minaj!
-Nicki Minaj sings the national anthem!
-Nicki Minaj sings the Cornholio Anthem!
-Hulk "The Hamster" Fatass proposes to Nicki Minaj (shhh!)
-Brand new announcing team!
-A dozen meaningless themes from completely different genres for the same song!
-And the traditional crackline of mindfuck you've grown to love!
Stipulations:
-American Heartache Match - Two briefcases will hang high above the competitors' heads. One of them contains the Most Fucking Important Championship Ever, the other contains a tasty ass pizza. The match follows the standard rules of a ladder match, but the competitors may only choose one of the briefcases. If they pick the one with the title, they win it. However, if they don't, the title is handed to their competitor, rendering all their efforts useless. Well, they knew what they were getting into when they signed that JOB contract.
-Hell In A Taco Bell Match - The competitors are locked inside a Taco Bell crowded with people. JOB will bribe the police officers while the wrestlers raise hell. The winner(s) may get some free tacos from the kitchen counter.
-Last Thing Standing Match - Same as any Last Man Standing Match.
-"AW NAW YOU DIDN'T" Match - A special variation of an "I Quit" Match, where the wrestler must force his opponent to reveal his darkest secret, whether it's a crush on Nicki Minaj or just that he ate the president's burrito. Either way, be VERY afraid.
-Sex For Six Match - Standard elimination match with six competitors.
-Open Legs/Rumble Through The Jungle Match - The first wrestler to score a fall is crowned Slut Champion. However, any wrestlers that pin the current champion get the right to determine the Slut Champion (they can claim the title for themselves, offer it to that special one, or just screw over an opponent). Any other members of the JOB roster are welcome to join the fun, and the only way to remove people from the match is to toss them out of the ring in any way. The last standing man in the match will have a 30-second immunity to escape with the title, and then Slut Title rules get rammed up his candy ass.
-Retarded in Reverse Match - The king of reverse stipulations. The opponents start naked inside an ambulance on a parking lot. Their goal is to get dressed with a bra and panties, exit the ambulance, sprint into the ring, and climb over the steel cage into the inside. Only the two first wrestlers to enter the ring may proceed, where they will compete under traditional jobber rules and get themselves pinned or submitting to win the bout.
Obviously there are no deadlines or roleplaying limits. We're not even counting on you to roleplay. But it does give you an advantage.
Bring on the JOBBAPALOOZA!